Darkscribes Blog for PacmanJ

Sweet Toxic Sounds Of The Future

August 21, 2010 | No Comments Posted

Its been awhile. Since I've written anything, about anyone. Staring off, Thank you God and Jesus, I love you, friends and family. Couldn't have done it with out any of you. 

Let's make it happen.

Alright, its been two months from my last post, oh well who cares. Past is in the past, leave it there. No need to dig up the past. Even the good times and bad times, yes we learn from them and get over them. I can't talk, I still dream about the past. =/ Go figure.

The past is a burden to all of us. Holding those....Lonely, sorrow filled, unspeakable, disturbing truth. I know, I have friends that tell me there burdens. I'm not God, thats his job, to lift burdens isn't what I do. What I didn't realize was how I am trust worthy of what they tell me. I love those who consider me there friends and those that don't I still love you. Because I care for you more then you realize. The thing is the past can bring us all down. To forget about it, we turn to the bottle for like amnesia, or go to the pipe and smoke them away. No.

What I also failed to realize is that the past is indeed a thorn in my heart, but also can be forgotten. Trick is the present. 

Least we weren't dead on the curb after a sub-machine gun pumped 50 bullets out of the barrel. At Least drugs didn't consume your life and break the walls of consciousness. No, you have a beautiful life, with friends that care and that love you for who you are. A life where you can sit and tell the next person who is going through the same problem.

A young man, he had a severe problem, his best friend died. For 6 long painful  years he never utter a word about his true feeling, fearing that he would be cast in to the gates of hell. He would go around smiling acting if everything was ok. It wasn't. He'd cry himself to sleep each night of thinking of that friend. He would close the door to his room and lock it. Mom and Dad would worry, but he told them not to. Selfish punk, who could be a better person, but never accepted that invitation.

Until, he had this dream. Seeing his best friend. The same cloths, and the same bruises and scars on the face. Quivered in fear, he ran into darkness, hiding from the angelic being. One stroke of the being's hand the darkness vanish. While he shook harder then a leaf, the being touched his face. Sins where cleaned, a slate wiped clean. Tears rolled from his eyes, unable to speak. Waking up wasn't an easy feat, he woke up with tears in his eyes and a bright white light glided across his eyes. It felt good, like God touched you and everything just disappeared and you and him are alone, his parents looked at him and were perplexed.

To this day that person became a better friend, a better son, a better brother, a better person, and most important a wiser, understanding person. I can't say I helped him, more like his friends molded him and built his courage up. Even the mightiest fall short, then thats when all his friends pick him up.

You know who I'm talking about, he is writing this Blog right now.

Night everyone, Hope you learned something about me.

Philippians 4:13

John 3:16

PacmanJ

Who Is That Calling?

June 6, 2010 | 1 Comment

Hmmm let ambivalence overcome you.

Mixed emotions, something we all feel, that come at the random times.

Honestly, I don't like talking about myself. Yes yes yes, im not selfish like I ues to be looking out for myslef and myself only.

I meet this young man named Micheal. I meet him at my friends graduation party, congrats Briana, and we talked til he left. I talked to him about school, El Paso, rough times, and other personal vendettas I've had. We need more people like Micheal.

He is a humble person, I have never meet anyone as humble as him. He didn't brag about self, only the times he made a difference in someone elses life. I respected him, as a I would my brother. When I saw him, personally, he resmebled me, but a little older.

I can tell when he goes home every night, he is welcomed warmliy by his family. I can see it, helping him was something I liked to do. More or less, he helped me in a huge way. He supplied me answers that I've been looking for. Problems in school, problems with friends, problems in general. Like a brother, I can see his caring spirit.

Yo Micheal, this blog is for you. Made a huge impact in my life. Be safe, God bless you, and have a great time here in El Paso.

I'm out for the night, all have a safe evening. I wish no harm on no soul, love one another. Might help you with your stuggle, meeting someone that is like Micheal.

John 3:16

Revelations 3:5

PacmanJ

Congratulations

June 2, 2010 | No Comments Posted

On another year of staying out of trouble. There have been ups and downs, this year. More ups then downs, I can't complain. Why that ridiculous title? Well, it's just what it is, a title.

I say congrats to:

• Dante Ransom, you finally found God. On fifth sunday, I saw you quote great and powerful scriptures from the bible. You don't know how proud you made me. I wanted to cry, personally I didn't think you would find him so soon. Congrats, DJ.
• Latrell Ransom, glad to have you back. UT can get rough and all of the partying and thugs over there. Im grateful that you didn't turn gangsta, if you did oh well, praising God you didn't.
• My Mother and Father, greatest parents, they have raised a demon child into a gentleman. Teaching me from right and wrong. Scenarios that they create for me, and I say, " I never thought about it that way." To you mom and dad, never change. Ever.
• Kyle Baldwin, homie, the USAF might be what you want to do. I didn't agree with it, but I respect those who serve their country well. You will make a great commander, or whatever you want to do.
• Ghetto Superstars at lunch, all of you improved me, physically and mental. Learning Spanish to learning how to make unbelievable goals. Kudos.
• To all the seniors I know, enduring this crazy year of school, I'm surprised. Kudis number 2.
• To all my good and great friends, Thank you for standing by a weak soul like mine. All of you don't realize this, maybe you do or not,  that when I talk to all of you, a peice of you is embedded into my mind and soul. Which betters me, and builds me up. Without all of you, I think that I would've committed suicide, sold drugs, held others at gunpoint, and become the worst person. Thank you God you deserve credit, and to all my family and friends.

Congratulations to all of the those that are prospering and doing well. To those who are doing worst then others, keep your head up, at least you are still living and haven't hit rock bottom yet.

Thank You, Alexa, opening doors and helping me find new ones to open. Guess it takes a death to realize something. Congrats, Alexa, you're living in a better place.

John 3:16

Rev. 3:5

PacmanJ

Home Run!!! May 11th Full Of Surprises With All My Friends Today! (The End)

May 11, 2010 | No Comments Posted

Whew! Where do I start?! I had the best day of my life today!

1st period.

Visual Media

Antonio came back to class! (No Homo, but the guy is recovering from surgery) He was ready to start a new chapter in his book, which I think its very funny. He is a smart, and intellectual person, it was good having him back. I can talk with someone about my stories now.

Second Period.

Math Models

I almost fell off of a desk! I was taking peoples kites from the ceiling and i missteped and then i hesitated. I quickly jumped off and landed before the desk can take me. Argh Stupid Desk! Then Selena, a great friend, that made me laugh the whole period, she can be a comedian and always comments on my ethnicity. Martha and Domonic, superb athletes, make the spark of the whole class, without them, it would be boring. Well Mr. Castor makes the class more entertaining. Never looked at math the same way. Then Stephanie was crying. ='( I looked at her and deep down I wanted to cry. No one should be sad like the way she was. I dug deep down into my soul and wrote her something from my heart. She shouldn't cry like, I dislike seeing a friend sad because all of us are alike and when she felt sad, I felt sad. So Martha and I worte something and I believe that when you show a person love and support, it shows them that you really care.

LUNCH! (Yes I consider lunch a class period -.-) I went to get food and I stumbled on some friends. This time it was Ale and her boyfriend, Nelson. We talked about the Snickers Commercial and how we love the east coast, well me and Nelson did. I shared my Snickers with, becuase no meal should go without a dessert. So we ate that and Nelson talked about Georgia and I talked about Alabama. Georgia Peaches and Florida Oranges, when you travel, food always comes into play. When I departed from them, I told Ale that she would have to come and visit the East coast with us. Be a blast. Next person, I saw was Cindy, oh boy, where do i start? She is simply stunning, I can't see how I missed her in the hallways of school. She makes me laugh harder then Selena sometimes. Believe me, she is a great athlete, so is her friends. I meet them while i was going to get my stuff. Amy, Paulina, Katy, and Juile. All great athletes and they have the best humor. Im glad to see Amy off her crutches! I can say that she is a determined young lady, and now she can walk again! Hooray!

3rd and 4th period weren't interesting.

After school, I talked to Shams! She is a great person from a different country, i mean her culture is great and is something i am williing to learn. Shams and I walk to her locker everyday. She is simply amazing, intellectual and great personality.

If you noticed, this day is great and I had so much fun.

The last blog was sorrow. The Beginning of Sorrow. I wrote that because I was going throught some time of sorrow and despire.

Now this is The End of Sorrow, we all had a blast and had great conversations. To All of my friends, this is for you guys!  Next is the Knock on Heaven's Door. Get ready, its going to be wild!

The reason why I call it Home Run, becauses when I hit off on the right subject it sails and its already good. Meaning that I didnt step on anyone's toes and that it was out of the park =)

Revelations 3:5

PacmanJ

It Isn't Adding Up... (The Beginning)

May 4, 2010 | 1 Comment

         Why is it so hard for someone to accept certain things?

If you can't accept the action of a person, why accept the person? It's like getting a gift, from that person and just throwing it back in their face.

Human beings. They're a mysterious bunch of people. Minds can't be made up, minds are confused, and they can't distinguish reality from a dream. Recently, I found out that I have mutiple personalities in different people.

Example: My mom sees me as her son (obviously), My sister sees me as a pest (nothing new), and Daquan sees me as a faithful and true friend.

One other thing, is that distance makes the human race, cry out for more attention. Of course, they don't want to be alone, but when you find yourself alone, you think. When you think, you analyze your problems and you look over the mistakes you've made. You also accept the mistakes you've made. When they finally accept that fact they can pull themselve out of the dark, disolate, world. Once they pull themselves out of loneliness and darkness, they yearn for the touch of another human being. Comfort and warmth makes a human feel safe. I don't think that I can feel that way...

I don't think I'm human anymore..... I have become enigmatic. No feelings toward people, no reactions to the outside world, no more hatred or love. I have a preplexed mind, and a way of expressing myself, that no one knows.

The mind of the human is fragile, it's like a orange. You beat it long enough it wears out and then it busts. That bust is a psychological barrier that is broken, from striaght train of thought to brain dead.

A breakdown can be the result of this method above. ^

I had another dream. I was in the near future 2018, 2012 was a hoax, everyone had peace again, the war ended. Everything was better, we dug-out of the recession, and became one as a people. I was living in Brooklyn, New York, after I graduated college. I don't remember were i went to college, but it wasn't important. At the age of 26, i had a great paying job. A true friend in NY. But in this dream it wasn't a happy ending...

I was at a bar late Novemeber night. I had a few, i was able to stand, but i was tipsy, walking out the door of the bar I see this girl. Young girl, with red hair, abandoned, she lived on the streets. I want to help the young girl, but she ran. I started running after her, into a dark alley. Once I saw the alley, she was at a stop. The young girl had ran into a dead-end. I got close to her, and then a halo like figure appeared above her head. It grew bigger and more visible. The girl ran, out of the alley, I soon followed.

We continued to run and then the figure uprooted itself from the ground and took her foot. I wrapped my hands around it and tugged. The figure attached to me, and it started growing on me, rather then the girl. She looked and ran into the park that we stopped in. She watched as I was being eatin by the mysterious figure. The Halo creature started to dig into my skin, surging through my veins. I felt one with that creature as I was seeing thing through it's eyes. The little girl looked deep inside herself and ran back to help me. She tugged and tugged, but it was useless. I pushed her lightly away from me, because I knew only one was need for this. She stayed back and she tried to cry, instead of her crying, I started crying.

She asked, "Why are you crying mister?" wailing to me.

I said softly, " I don't know."

The figure dug deeper and deeper into my body, and I felt this surge of power. The power could be used to create life or destory it. I decided one thing to save that little girl, so I destoryed my own life. I curled into a ball, created a sheild around myself and imploded. I save the little girl.

When I woke up I realized that I was crying and there were strands of tears rolling from my eyes. My dream symbolized how one person can make a difference in anothers life. Weither it's saving their lives or giving them advice, wise advice. If you don't like the person, you strongly dislike, just be nice to them. The little girl in my dream didn't like me. Of course, i was a stranger, but she did the right thing and saw that I need help. She didn't have to help, but she did. Don't hold a grudge, it only eats at you like a parasite.

When you feel a certain emotion for that special human being tell them. Then you can accept the fact, that you are being honest with them and yourself. You can stop hiding that fear and that truth. The Truth will set you free.

When another person says I love you, how do you feel? Warm? Fuzzy? Not alone?

Human can be the strangest creatures, but when they use that word LOVE they can be the same.

When one hasn't felt that affection in so long, they would do anything for it. I mean anything as well.

But there is 2 kinds of love.

Unconditional and Conditional

Unconditional= Regardless if that person treats you wrong, you will still love them. THATS the true love.

Condition= If that person treats you wrong, you love them to a certain point.

I ran into a couple and she treated him wrong.

I simply asked, "When she did that, how did you feel?"

He answered, " I wanna kill her!"

Waving my hands in front of his face, "No you don't! Don't you want to show her, you forgave her?"

He looked at me like I was a martian, "Why forgive if she treated me wrong?"

"Because, forgiveness ensures that you completely love her! That you have gotten past that dilemma and you know can move on with your relationship. A stronger relationship."

He listened to me. They have been together for 2 long years, one simple mistake didn't screw with them. Thats unconditional love. That is the love we need to see more of. Life is too short to be foolish! I can't talk because I didn't show it before! I was alone, I thought, and i realized my mistake! I realized that i must accept my mistake! If you do that you can reach a new level of love!

A new level of mentality!

A new level of maturity!

A new level of....life.

Don't betray your heart or your soul, that is what makes all of us human. It's what makes us unique, and special. Our world is dying, we need more love, more support, more friends who will be there for you when your sick. When you need cloths, When your thristy or hungry. When you need change to buy something that you need instead of want.

This is the beginning, next will be the end and then it will be the knock on heavens door...

Love is the true answer.

Revelation 3:5

PacmanJ